The Ginger Is Not Anti-Social *GASP*

I am an introvert. I have severe social anxiety. But no, I am not anti-social.

Sound contradictory? Let me explain:

     I am an introvert. I get my energy and feel most at home in a small, close-knit social group. I thrive in one-on-one conversation and interaction, but can also enjoy small group activities within my comfort zone. I tend to avoid huge parties, or being in large groups of people.

     I have severe social anxiety. Introducing myself to groups of people makes my heart race. The thought of walking late into an activity, and feeling like everyone is looking at me, physically makes me dizzy. Going out in public (grocery store, museums, malls...) alone is not even an option in my mind because I become so petrified that I start to shake.
     I remember being four years old, getting ready to go onstage for a 6 minute role I had in the community theater's production of The King and I. This was dress rehearsal, and there would be 3 additional showings after this. I was in my costume in the bathroom, so terrified that I ended up vomiting until I fainted. That is the first time I can remember experiencing severe anxiety.
     It's very difficult to explain social anxiety to someone that has never experienced it. But let me make one thing clear-social anxiety and "being shy" are not the same thing. AT ALL. Take this concept of "shy" that you have, multiply it by 15, add in actual physical symptoms (dizziness, tremors, increased heart-rate, excessive sweating, gagging/vomiting, fainting...) and low serotonin levels, and top it off with the inability to fully make your own neurotransmitters and THEN you can start talking about anxiety.

     But no. I am not anti-social. I enjoy having friends and spending time with them.I do not like sitting in my house day in and day out.  I desperately wish that I could go to a dance or a party and enjoy myself like everyone else there. I crave the ability to start a conversation with a stranger and make a new friend. I would absolutely love to be able to participate in games or activities without feeling completely worn out or anxious. I wish I were more extroverted and that I didn't have to deal with anxiety.
     But that's not who I am. I am introverted and I do have social anxiety. It makes it difficult to have a social life, and make and maintain friendships. And don't even get me started on dating!
     But I am working on getting out of my comfort zone and improving. I have days where I am able to push myself a little more. I might set a goal to talk to 2 new people at church (Side note:The best thing I've ever found-Sincere compliments/expressions of gratitude are amazing conversation starters. Plus they make the other person feel good about themselves, leaving them with a positive impression of you!). Send a text to someone I wouldn't normally text. Or *GASP* even try and get a few friends together to hang out. Those are peak moments for me. It takes an extensive amount of effort, but I feel accomplished afterwards. And getting to talk to or spend time with friends is always a good mood-booster.

     People often joke about me being "anti-social" or "hating people". And I don't counter it. In fact I usually just joke right along. I mean, it is pretty funny. And I know that's how it tends to come across to everyone (I'm trying to improve on that.) and it is much easier than attempting to explain everything you just read in this article.
   

     But now you know for next time. Yes, I am an introvert. Yes, I have social anxiety. But no, I am not anti-social, and no, I don't hate people.