And the Fire of Recovery was Kindled

April 24th 2017. I remember waking up that morning and just having the thought in the back of my head that I should go to the temple sometime soon.

It was a Monday. There was a large YSA picnic in an adjacent stake and our ward was invited. Contrary to my norm, I decided to go. I was leaving the activity later than I had anticipated, maybe 10:30pm when I got in my car and had the very distinct impression to go to the temple. Now.

I was very confused because 1) it was 10:30 at night and 2) it was Monday. The temple would not be open. I drove a couple more minutes and the prompting got increasingly stronger.

I remember thinking to myself about a lesson I had where it was discussed that ANY good prompting was from the Lord. Obviously going to the temple is a good prompting, even if the time and circumstances didn’t seem to make much sense to me.

So I pulled into a nearby gas station and entered the Temple’s address into my gps. I said a prayer something along the lines of, “I don’t know why I’m doing this, Father, but help me to know what You’re trying to teach me.” I put on my church music and I drove.

I pulled into the temple parking lot,  parked near the front and killed the engine. I sat in silence for a couple minutes before once again offering up a prayer to my Father in Heaven. I still wasn’t sure why I was there or what I was supposed to do, but I grabbed a notebook and pen from my backpack and started walking closer. I reached a little spot on the sidewalk next to a tree with a couple small steps to sit on that was also conveniently located right under a lamppost. I sat down opened my notebook and again, I prayed. I told Heavenly Father that I still wasn’t sure why I was there, but there must be a reason. I told Him that I was ready to listen and that I was going to start writing in my notebook whatever thoughts came into my head.

And I wrote:

“ Got up today with the idea of going to the temple grounds. On my way home from FHE (at the Independence Visitor’s ctr) I had the VERY strong impression to turn around and drive to the temple. Pulled into a gas station and plugged in the address. Put on church music on the way over. Got to the temple and said a prayer. Everything else I write will be promptings and thoughts I have while I’m here.

- Start reading the book of Mormon

- prepare to enter the temple

- Study the Atonement to better access it’s power

- become friends with my Savior

- Remember my body is a temple. Learn to see it and treat it and treat it as such.

Temples are all so different. But they are all so absolutely beautiful. The thought, time, effort, and care that goes into building a temple, furnishing the inside and maintaining it’s grounds is monumental. Heavenly FAther put a similar (if not more extensive) amount of time, effort, and care into making me. With all the furnishings on the inside (my art skills, being good with kids, gratitude) to the temple itself (my body), to the grounds (my environment/the people in my life). He planned it so meticulously. No one would ever want to destroy a temple. I would never want to destroy a temple.

So why am I destroying my body?

When a temple needs maintenance or has been destroyed, over time it gets rebuilt. With the skilled careful hand of professionals. We cannot pray and expect the temple to rebuild itself. It doesn’t matter how many people are praying. Without the help of professionals it cannot be rebuilt. Similarly I cannot pray to stop my eating disorder. It doesn’t matter how many people I have praying for me, without the actual help and care of professionals, I cannot rebuild myself.

Like the temple, included in those professionals must be the One who designed me to begin with. He needs to be there through every step. He will soothe and comfort and provide a watchful, guiding eye.If I ask, He will guide  the professionals in knowing how to “rebuild” me.

My body is a temple, a gift from God that can do so much. I would never gut a temple of all of it’s furnishings and start chiseling away at it’s outside

So maybe I need to stop chiseling away at me.“

The words were coming at me almost too fast for my hand to keep up the writing.

For some background information, at this point in my life, I had been recently diagnosed with Anorexia, and I was suffering beyond comprehension with debilitating depression, and anxiety. Anorexia is not strictly about body image, or food, but rather an intense psychological illness, that presents itself with symptoms involving food/body. I was not seeking out any help, but I truly thought that maybe if I just prayed harder, or participated more in church, or read my scriptures more often, that this would all go away. This revelation I received told me the truth I so desperately needed to hear.

However it would be another 10 months after this occurred, before I would actually get any help. My life would continue to spiral downwards before I would come across this notebook entry and reread it. And finally decide to seek out the professional, as well as the Spiritual assistance that I so desperately needed. This experience was the jumpstart to my recovery. This was one of the first moments in my life where I knew, as I was receiving it, that this was revelation from the Lord. I knew it was Him talking to me and guiding me. I will forever be grateful that I listened to that initial prompting and drove to the temple that night. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t.