I (mostly) Hate Doctors
Today is National PTSD Awareness Day. The whole month of June is actually PTSD Awareness Month.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15. It causes a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, paranoia, depression and was a large contributing factor to my eating disorder. I'm working on getting it under control. And in the past several months I have made a VAST improvement.
But as soon as I saw that today was National PTSD Awareness Day, I knew I wanted to share an experience that I had 2 days ago.
Ask just about anyone that knows me and they can attest to the fact that I absolutely ABHOR medical personnel; doctors, nurses, surgeons of any kind, except maybe a handful that I know personally. Monday I had 4 doctors appointments all back-to-back. I was scheduled to get an EKG, ultrasound, lab work, dexascan, xrays, an MRI, and a general follow-up exam. I got my labs done, my EKG, and my ultrasound done with only minor kinks (the phlebotomist had to stick me 6 times before finding a vein!). Next was just my general follow-up exam with my pcp. Although just a general physician, she works with a lot of eating disorder patients and is very knowledgeable about the physical and psychological toll that it takes on a person. 2 days ago I also learned that she is very good with patients with trauma pasts.
I knew the appointment was going to be a struggle. They usually are. Due to the nature of my trauma, I have a hard time being unclothed and get very anxious with other people touching me. My nurse was kind enough to provide me with an extra paper gown so I would feel a little more covered. The appointment got underway and not quite 10 minutes in, I started hyperventilating, which turned into a full-blown panic-attack/flashback. My doctor sent the nurse out and got an extra blanket that I could wrap around myself to feel more comfortable. She then sat in the room with me for over half an hour talking to help me calm down and turning on Parks and Recreation bloopers on her phone to distract me. When I was feeling a little better, she let me dress in privacy and then she walked me to my car, making sure I was safe and able to get home alright.
I was her last appointment of the day. I know she probably wanted to get home. The whole appointment was only supposed to take about 15 minutes, but she sat with me for much longer than it would have gone.
So maybe I have a baseline distaste for doctors, but I'm going to say it just this once, my doctor is incredible. The kindness and compassion she showed were far above what was expected or called for.
Respect earned.
On my way back, I called a good friend and was able to talk it over with her for a while. She is very wise ans aware, has great insight and knows what to say to make me feel better. I don't enjoy going back home right after flashbacks either, I usually hole up in my head too much, so I decided to swing by the store and grab a couple things, pick up my prescriptions and just walk around for a little bit. I sat in the parking lot for almost 20 minutes finishing up my phone call with my friend before heading inside. Once I walked inside the bright fluorescent lights mixed with the noise and people, brought on a new wave of anxiety. But as I was getting ready to grab my headphones out of my purse and put them in, I saw a good friend of mine. I was able to chat for maybe 2 minutes and my nerves calmed. I finished my Walmart run smoothly and headed home.
It's 2 days later and to be honest, I'm still reeling a little bit from that appointment. It was hard. But 6 months ago, I don't know what would have happened. I know I would have handled it a lot worse. Between my doctor and my friends. I know I have people that have my back. And I am getting better. Slowly but surely. It's not perfect and, like Monday, I have slip-ups and times that are hard. But I'm getting there.
P.S. TELL ANYONE THAT I SAID I LIKE MY DOCTOR AND I WILL DELETE THIS ARTICLE AND VEHEMENTLY DENY IT.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15. It causes a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, paranoia, depression and was a large contributing factor to my eating disorder. I'm working on getting it under control. And in the past several months I have made a VAST improvement.
But as soon as I saw that today was National PTSD Awareness Day, I knew I wanted to share an experience that I had 2 days ago.
Ask just about anyone that knows me and they can attest to the fact that I absolutely ABHOR medical personnel; doctors, nurses, surgeons of any kind, except maybe a handful that I know personally. Monday I had 4 doctors appointments all back-to-back. I was scheduled to get an EKG, ultrasound, lab work, dexascan, xrays, an MRI, and a general follow-up exam. I got my labs done, my EKG, and my ultrasound done with only minor kinks (the phlebotomist had to stick me 6 times before finding a vein!). Next was just my general follow-up exam with my pcp. Although just a general physician, she works with a lot of eating disorder patients and is very knowledgeable about the physical and psychological toll that it takes on a person. 2 days ago I also learned that she is very good with patients with trauma pasts.
I knew the appointment was going to be a struggle. They usually are. Due to the nature of my trauma, I have a hard time being unclothed and get very anxious with other people touching me. My nurse was kind enough to provide me with an extra paper gown so I would feel a little more covered. The appointment got underway and not quite 10 minutes in, I started hyperventilating, which turned into a full-blown panic-attack/flashback. My doctor sent the nurse out and got an extra blanket that I could wrap around myself to feel more comfortable. She then sat in the room with me for over half an hour talking to help me calm down and turning on Parks and Recreation bloopers on her phone to distract me. When I was feeling a little better, she let me dress in privacy and then she walked me to my car, making sure I was safe and able to get home alright.
I was her last appointment of the day. I know she probably wanted to get home. The whole appointment was only supposed to take about 15 minutes, but she sat with me for much longer than it would have gone.
So maybe I have a baseline distaste for doctors, but I'm going to say it just this once, my doctor is incredible. The kindness and compassion she showed were far above what was expected or called for.
Respect earned.
On my way back, I called a good friend and was able to talk it over with her for a while. She is very wise ans aware, has great insight and knows what to say to make me feel better. I don't enjoy going back home right after flashbacks either, I usually hole up in my head too much, so I decided to swing by the store and grab a couple things, pick up my prescriptions and just walk around for a little bit. I sat in the parking lot for almost 20 minutes finishing up my phone call with my friend before heading inside. Once I walked inside the bright fluorescent lights mixed with the noise and people, brought on a new wave of anxiety. But as I was getting ready to grab my headphones out of my purse and put them in, I saw a good friend of mine. I was able to chat for maybe 2 minutes and my nerves calmed. I finished my Walmart run smoothly and headed home.
It's 2 days later and to be honest, I'm still reeling a little bit from that appointment. It was hard. But 6 months ago, I don't know what would have happened. I know I would have handled it a lot worse. Between my doctor and my friends. I know I have people that have my back. And I am getting better. Slowly but surely. It's not perfect and, like Monday, I have slip-ups and times that are hard. But I'm getting there.
P.S. TELL ANYONE THAT I SAID I LIKE MY DOCTOR AND I WILL DELETE THIS ARTICLE AND VEHEMENTLY DENY IT.
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